Checked Out

No blood in urine? Check

No infection at incisions? Check

Manageable pain? Check

Can eat solid food without nausea? Check

Can walk without dizziness? Check

Shortly after noon on Tuesday, about 18 hours after completion of surgery, I am dismissed from the hospital. Wheeled to the front door by a garrulous Jamaican immigrant, accompanied by my dear wife. She and I try to sleep during the bumpy 20 minute trip home; the only sound from within the taxi is the driver murmuring in Farsi on his phone.

Shortly after tucking in to my nest on the couch, my sweet daughters arrive with flowers and cupcake. It's an unusual occasion for them to see me laid up like this, and they express this realization in very different ways, one with barely suppressed tears, the other with awkward laughter.

After they leave, and before a needed nap, I notice the bag of urine strapped to my leg is full almost to bursting. Over the toilet, as I fumble with the bag's spigot, the pee sprays out uncontrollably, over my sweatpants, slippers and floor. Ugh.